


FilmGuy69 is Live! Click Here to Watch Now!

by Coq



Category: RedLetterMedia RPF
Genre: Canon-typical Alcohol Consumption, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jay is a camboy, Lightning Fast verse, M/M, Mike has body image issues, Mutual Pining, Romantic Comedy, Size Difference, Webcams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2020-05-31 17:23:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coq/pseuds/Coq
Summary: Mike frowned at his Hot Pocket as though it had answers for why Jay was apparently leading some sort of wild double life that he'd never told Mike about. Never an "Oh, sorry, Mike, I can't get a beer with you tonight, I have to go touch my nipples for strangers on the internet."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goodoldfashioned](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodoldfashioned/gifts).



> This is about the Half in the Baaaaag characters (the two cute dorks who work at Lightning Fast VCR Repair) only. Any resemblance to real occurrences is a coincidence, but would be dope as hell.

"And Alexandre Aja chose Giannetto De Rossi to do all the gore effects because he's pretty much the greatest horror makeup artist of all time," Jay said. He was staring at the paused movie frame on his laptop. "And you can see here--" He pointed to an arterial spray that was about to splash against the wall. "There's so much more to horror effects than just makeup."

They were watching _High Tension_ again, because of course they were, because it was around the fifteenth of the month, and like clockwork, Jay was having one of his little horror periods where he only wanted to watch the goriest possible movies. Mike had seen _High Tension_ so many times at this point that he could practically narrate the film, but Jay somehow always found new things to discuss every time they watched it.

"I'm gonna go make popcorn," Jay said as he stood up. "Regular or kettle corn?"

"Hell yeah, kettle corn," Mike said.

"Obviously." Jay flashed a grin at him, and then he disappeared to the tiny kitchenette that made up part of the back room at Lightning Fast VCR Repair.

Jay had gotten this sweet-ass laptop for Christmas from his sister, and Mike was a little jealous of how nice it was as he minimized the movie window. While Jay was gone, he might as well check Rotten Tomatoes and see how the latest releases were doing in theaters. It was always fun to have Jay guess the scores on the really bad ones. He opened Chrome, expecting an empty tab, but instead--

Camboys.com?

_What the fuck?_

Mike opened his mouth, about to shout that Jay had left his porn open, because he'd almost certainly run back with an adorably pink face. But then he'd sputter some excuse and snatch his laptop away before Mike could get a good look at it. And this felt like a rare opportunity to get all sorts of new things to tease Jay about, which was Mike's greatest joy in life.

It seemed that Jay was logged into the site, since the name "FilmGuy69" was printed in the top left corner. Mike snickered quietly--of course Jay would pick a dorky name like that. It was tempting to click it, and see what sorts of things Jay was into, whether he had any favorites or anything like that, maybe see what kind of guys he liked. What they looked like. If they looked like anyone in particular.

But before he could poke around any more, Jay came back in the room with a bowl of popcorn.

"I don't think all the kernels popped. It might be slightly expired," he was saying. Mike rushed to close the window, his heart pounding, and quickly pulled the movie window back up.

Jay handed him the bowl as he sank back down on the couch. "Your face is really red. Like, super red," he said. "You okay?"

"Yeah, shut up, I'm fine," Mike said, shoveling a handful of popcorn into his mouth to prove it, even though he didn't feel fine. "Let's keep watching your favorite murder festival."

"Don't gotta tell me twice," Jay said. He unpaused the movie, and the blood was splashing against the wall, _artistically_.

-

So what if Mike had rushed home after work and immediately switched his computer on? Jay had a dentist appointment after work, so they couldn't have their usual after-work beers. It didn't _mean_ anything that the first thing he did (after putting a couple of Hot Pockets in the microwave) was to visit Camboys.com.

The main page was littered with video feeds featuring a variety of young, fit guys, most of whom seemed to be in their late teens and early twenties. Mike supposed that made sense. Probably lots of them were in college, and needed some extra money, for textbooks and dorm rooms and such.

There were a few overly-muscled dudes in their late twenties and thirties, some couples who were posing together suggestively in their thumbnails, some chubby hairy guys that Mike supposed were "bears," and even a few decent-looking middle-aged men who looked like they could be banking executives. But there were also just a lot of 19-year-olds who still looked like they needed their moms to drive them to the mall, and that was definitely _not_ Mike's thing.

So which of these types was Jay into?

Mike typed Jay's username into the search bar. A profile appeared in the search results, along with a user icon showing a chest that Mike recognized from that time he'd gone with Jay's family to the Springs Water Park in Pewaukee. It was the only time he'd ever seen Jay shirtless, so it made sense that he'd remember it so clearly. It wasn't as though he'd spent that much time memorizing Jay's chest, or stomach, or legs, or shoulders, or back.

Mike clicked the profile link.

There was a huge banner in the center of his profile page that said "Sign Up to Get Notified When FILMGUY69 Goes Live!" Beneath that, there was a little profile that Jay had apparently filled out.

Name: FilmGuy

Categories: Guy Next Door, Otter, Solo

About My Shows: Just a nerdy guy who likes to have solo fun :)

Sexual Orientation: Gay

Most Recent Show: Yesterday 9:16 PM

Camboy Since: Three months ago

Mike's head suddenly felt as though it was full of air, or cotton stuffing, or kettle corn.

Most recent show? Get notified? Camboy since? Solo fun? _What kind of fun?!_

The sound of his microwave beeping snapped him out of his reverie. The light-headed feeling continued, though, as he stood up and walked into his kitchen.

Of course the Hot Pocket had burst (they always did), but it had only oozed a little bit of cheese onto the plate, which Mike had placed beneath it for exactly this reason. He frowned at the pastry as though it had answers for why Jay was apparently leading some sort of wild double life that he'd never told Mike about, never so much as breathed a single word about. Never an "Oh, sorry, Mike, I can't get a beer with you tonight, I have to go touch my nipples for strangers on the internet."

Clearly, the only option Mike had in this scenario was to sign up to be notified when FilmGuy69 went live.

-

The meatball Hot Pockets were clearly the best, but he'd run out of those yesterday, and he'd been too lazy to go to the store, so all he had left were the slightly freezer-burned ham and cheese variety. It had still done its job at making him unhungry, though, and with that finished, he turned his now slightly greasy fingers to his keyboard.

The registration page for Camboys.com was demanding too much creativity. "Username," he mumbled aloud to himself. It couldn't be too obvious, like "Mike_Stoklasa" or any pseudonym he'd ever used online before. His stomach twisted at the thought of what Jay would do if he was, like, getting naked on the computer, and then he saw Mike's name pop up. Surely he'd be furious, and kill Mike _High Tension_ style by decapitating him with a rusty machete or some shit.

No, better to choose something Jay would never guess was secretly Mike, but also something Jay would instantly like, something that would make him feel comfortable and safe. Well, as safe as he could possibly feel while doing...whatever it was that he did in front of a camera.

Nothing instantly came to mind, so in a separate tab, Mike pulled up a username generator. It made 30 random suggestions at a time, and most of them were garbage jumble names, but a few were halfway decent, and he landed on "PunkDragon." He didn't have particularly strong feelings about punk music (other than that one time he'd played a punk character in a friend's terrible home movie back in high school) and he didn't give a shit about dragons. But it still felt dweeby enough to be non-threatening, because it made him think of _Lord of the Rings_.

Jay wouldn't suspect a thing.

After he finished registering, he went right back to Jay's page--or rather, the page of "FilmGuy69," as he'd have to start thinking of him, since "PunkDragon" wouldn't know Jay's real name. He impatiently refreshed the page a few times, trying to will Jay to suddenly appear on camera, but then he remembered that Jay was at the dentist. With an irritated sigh, he signed up to be notified as soon as Jay went live, and got up from the computer to do boring adult shit. Might as well be productive while he waited.

As he was pulling his favorite gray hoodie out of the dryer, his phone beeped a notification.

_FilmGuy69 is live! Click here to WATCH NOW!_


	2. Chapter 2

Mike could feel his heart rate start to increase as he sat back down at his computer. Jay's page was already pulled up, and his mouse cursor hovered over the refresh button.

Was he really ready to see this? Was this a truly unforgivable breach of trust? Would it irrevocably, irreversibly change their friendship? What if Jay was already _naked_?

That thought did it, and he clicked the refresh button decisively.

It took a moment for the stream to load, but after a few seconds, there he was. Sitting on his bed, with a Bluetooth keyboard on his lap, Jay was unfortunately still fully clothed in a tight black T-shirt and what looked like red plaid flannel pajama pants. Mike could hear some of that ridiculous vaporwave music that Jay was always listening to in the background.

But he was laughing, too, and the brightness of his smile came through the monitor and lit up Mike's entire dark, cramped studio apartment.

"No, I don't," Jay was saying, and it seemed that he was responding to something in the chat window that had just popped up along the bottom of the screen. There were 26 other people in the chat with him, and Mike hated them all instantly, both for just looking at Jay and for having had this secret, direct line to him for months now.

He set his hands to the keyboard and typed a greeting.

 _PunkDragon_ : hi

Jay waved. "Hi, PunkDragon," he said, and smiled into the camera. 

Mike's heart was thudding hard now. Jay had acknowledged his presence, even though he didn't know it was secretly him behind the dumbass nerd name. Jay was paying attention to the chat, which meant that Mike could ask him anything, completely anonymously. 

As his mind was racing with a spectrum of possible questions, he watched the chat scroll by.

 _HondaLand_ : ur lookin fine tonight

 _Buckrogers72_ : are you going to stay fully clothed all night?

"Depends on whether you guys make it worth my while to take anything off," Jay said, with a wicked grin that Mike recognized as being a sign that he was feeling mischievous. 

_HondaLand tipped $3!_

_Buckrogers72 tipped $5!_

_Bigdickhere tipped $10!_

Jay's eyes widened. "You guys are big spenders already tonight," he said. He gripped the bottom hem of his t-shirt and began inching it up, moving it an inch at a time to the beat of the techno music. 

It was cheesy as hell, and Mike couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen.

Jay's skin was pale, because he was an indoor nerd like Mike, and he didn't have any hair on his stomach (or maybe he waxed it, anything was possible in this brave new world). There was a large freckle right next to his belly button, and Mike remembered it, remembered seeing it for the first time at the indoor water park and thinking that it was the cutest and best freckle that he'd ever seen.

His chest didn't have much hair, either, just a downy-looking and sparse patch on his pectoral muscles, which were apparently a thing he had now. Mike knew Jay had been eating better and exercising (because there had been a period of time when he wouldn't shut up about it and made the whole shop smell like salmon with his weird healthy diet), but he hadn't realized exactly how much of a difference it had made. Jay looked like a fucking _model_ with his shirt off. 

Mike swallowed. His mouth suddenly felt dry.

 _Bigdickhere_ : u do priv shows?

Jay tossed his shirt aside and looked directly into the camera. He had a look on his face that Mike had only ever seen when he was helping Mike charm some idiots out of their money, or trying to convince Mike to watch a particularly gory and disturbing horror movie with him. It was a dark smile, a combination of charming and predatory. Mike knew it well, because it was so disconcerting, like a facial expression a serial killer would have.

"I do auctions for private shows, if you guys are interested. I usually do them at the end of the night," Jay said.

 _HondaLand_ : u have such a nice smile

These rubes didn't know Jay at all, Mike told himself. They were just here for his body. Mike was here for--wait. 

Why exactly _was_ Mike here?

It certainly wasn't because he could keep up with this Bigdickhere asshole, he thought as he observed another $10 tip with dismay.

"Someone is feeling generous tonight," Jay said coquettishly. He reached up to his chest and _touched his nipple_ , holy _shit_. He pinched it between his thumb and forefinger, and made the softest little noise that Mike had ever heard him make. 

Mike let his hand drift down to the front of his jeans, where he had a raging boner already. He just left it there, not sure if he was ready yet to cross the bridge of actually jacking off to Jay's little cam show, but feeling the warmth of his palm through his pants anyway.

 _Bigdickhere_ : start the auction early and I'll make it worth it to u

Jay shrugged. "Sure, why not?" He clicked something on the screen of his own computer, and a five-minute countdown timer began.

The bidding started right away, with HondaLand bidding $5, and some other guys from the chat bumping the number up, in increments of a dollar or two. It quickly reached $25, and hovered there for a minute.

 _Bigdickhere_ : $100

"Wow," Jay said, and he looked legitimately impressed, and also a little turned on. "Thank you!"

 _Bigdickhere_ : more where that came from once we go private, baby

Mike watched miserably as the countdown timer reached zero, with Bigdickhere remaining the winning bid at a hundred dollars. 

"Thanks, guys," Jay said, and he actually sounded sincere. "I'm gonna go private now, but I'll be back tomorrow night, and I promise I'll stay on longer. Thanks for coming!"

The stream flicked to a black screen, with the words "FilmGuy69 has gone private" in white.

-

His bathroom mirror was flecked with old toothpaste spots and water stains, and the white ceramic sink had a sort of gray patina that told Mike he really ought to clean up more, but right now he was too busy staring at his own face in the mirror. He looked tired, and old, and fat, and nothing like Jay looked in his cam show, which was like a radiant, horny angel.

Mike could be completely certain of two things:  
  
One, Bigdickhere definitely had a tiny dick, and was definitely an asshole, and Mike might have to kill him.

Two, he had to get a private show with Jay.

The specific reasons for why he needed that second thing were not important, he told himself. It didn’t necessarily have anything to do with the weird twisting feeling in his stomach, or the way his dick was straining against the fly of his jeans, or the little noise Jay made when he tweaked his nipple.

That _noise_ , though. It echoed in Mike’s ears, repeating in time with his pulse. He turned around and shut the bathroom light off, pulled his pants down, then closed his eyes. The only thing he saw behind his eyes as he took himself in hand was Jay, sliding his shirt up, showing his chest, touching his nipple, displaying his stomach, that big freckle next to his belly button, that fucking _freckle_ \-- 

With a grunt, Mike came in a single heavy wave. He spurted into the dirty sink, and then it was over as quickly as it started.

He ran the water to wash it down the sink, then took off the rest of his clothes, dropping them onto the growing pile on the floor. He was suddenly too tired to do anything but shower and go to bed.  
  
But he wasn’t too tired to check his bank account after getting out of the shower, and not too tired to figure out _exactly_ how much money he had to spend on Jay’s next show ($183.56, although he hoped he could win Jay with a little less money). He’d have to eat peanut butter and jelly for the rest of the week, and make do with only two or three beers a day instead of five, but he’d make it work. He _had_ to make it work.

As he lay in bed, the darkness of sleep creeping up on him, the last thing he thought about was exactly which questions PunkDragon would ask FilmGuy69.


	3. Chapter 3

That night, Mike dreamed about sneakily following Jay around after work. In the dream, Jay was ordering a beer at a gay bar with rainbow lights in the dance floor, and then he was dancing to vaporwave music while wearing a crop top and tiny purple shorts that said “CAMBOY” across the ass. Mike was standing in the darkness, just watching him dance. He woke up feeling like a creepy voyeur, and also with a massive boner.

When Mike got to work, Jay was already there, brewing coffee and somehow making the tan Lightning Fast VCR Repair work shirt look sexy, damn him. “Morning,” Jay said. He was rinsing out their coffee cups in the sink.  
  
Mike had gotten him a hideous zombie head mug last Christmas, half as a joke and half because he knew Jay would love it in an ironic hipster way, and Jay had been using it every day. He set it on the counter next to Mike’s mug, which was just plain black with the Ghostbusters logo on it (a gift from Jay for his birthday two years ago). 

Thoughts of all the possible things he could say ran through Mike’s mind. None of them seemed right, and he just stood there, staring at Jay, watching him take the coffee pot out from the coffee maker and pour coffee into both mugs before putting the pot back. Somehow, inexplicably, watching him do this has given Mike a quarter chub.

“You okay?” Jay asked as he handed the Ghostbusters mug to Mike. “You look a little...weird.”  
  
“Shut up, you look weird,” Mike said. “Do you want milk?” He turned to the dingy old fridge, glad to have something to look at that wasn’t Jay’s stupid beautiful face.

"Is there any skim left?" 

Mike pulled out an empty jug of skim milk and set it on the counter as an answer.

"No milk, then, I guess," Jay said, mildly disappointed.

“There’s cream,” Mike said, fishing out a half-finished pint of half and half. It was only two days past its expiration date.

“Too much fat,” Jay said.  
  
This irritated Mike, because Jay definitely didn’t need to worry about eating too much fat. He unscrewed the lid and poured an oversized amount of cream into his own coffee, as if to prove a point. “Why do you care about fat? You trying to be a male model or something?”

“Fuck you,” Jay muttered. The tips of his ears had turned bright red. “You know I’m eating healthier now.”

There was so much that Mike could say to that. _You don’t need to worry about how you look. You already look amazing. I can’t stop thinking about how hot you are. You've always been perfect to me._ But instead, he just said, “Fine, more cheeseburgers for me,” and walked away, sipping his coffee and hoping that Jay didn’t notice the flush that was annoyingly creeping into his cheeks.

-

The first two hours at work passed slowly. Mike busied himself by browsing IMDb and looking for dumb movies to download for their daily movie afternoon, while Jay dicked around on his phone. They mostly sat in silence, punctuated by occasional commentary on what they were reading on their respective screens. It would have been a companionable silence, if not for Mike's weird feeling about knowing Jay's deep, dark secret. His sexy secret. His _awesome_ , sexy secret.

The bells on the door clattered as it opened, and a mustachioed hipster shuffled into the lobby, carrying two VCRs in his arms. 

"Welcome to Lightning Fast VCR Repair," Mike said, with barely a trace of irony. "How can we help you today?" 

"Uh, yeah," the hipster said, dropping his VCRs on the counter. Mike could tell instantly that they were a JVC S-VHS and a Panasonic top-loader. "These are broken."

"How so?" Jay said, the disdain barely concealed in his voice.

"They don't work anymore," the hipster said.

"That's very helpful, thank you," Mike said. Jay stifled a laugh, biting his lip and exhaling through his nose, and his appreciation made Mike grin too. "If you'll just take a seat, I'll see if I can figure it out."

"I'm actually gonna get a coffee from that cool little independent shop across the street," the hipster said. "I'll be back in like an hour."

"God, I hate hipsters," Jay said as he helped Mike load the VCRs onto the testing cart. "Even if they do pay in cash."

Mike was struck by a sudden beam of inspiration. "Jay, why don't you let me handle this repair? You just take it easy."

Jay narrowed his eyes. "What? Why?"

Mike couldn't exactly say, "I need the money for myself so I can pay for your camboy show," so instead he said, "I need the money for my poker game. Tonight. I'm playing poker tonight and I need the money for it. For poker."

Jay looked at him suspiciously, his lips pursing like he was about to say something, but then he just shrugged. "Okay," he said, and flopped back down into his chair, going back to his phone. "I'm kinda enjoying this book, anyway."

"What's the book?" Mike said, grateful to have something to talk about that wasn't money, or precisely why he needed it.

For the next hour, Mike diligently worked on the old VCRs, replacing all the stripped head screws and cleaning out the decades-old grimy dust while Jay read out loud to him from his ebook version of _Reel Terror_ , a book about the history of horror movies. It was relaxing, listening to Jay read and offer up his observations on the topic, while Mike quietly worked with his hands, only occasionally chiming in. It almost felt domestic, in a way, kinda like Jay was reading the paper out loud while Mike was making breakfast. The thought made him feel weird.

He was just finishing up repairing the Panasonic top-loader, and Jay was in the middle of a passage about the impact of _Rosemary's Baby_ on the cultural zeitgeist or whatever, when the hipster came back, latte in hand and steamed milk in his moustache. "How's it coming?"

Mike was feeling so chill that the presence of the hipster didn't even annoy him. He set the VCRs down on the counter. "All done. That'll be fifty bucks." 

"Whoa, that's all?" The hipster handed him three twenties and picked up his VCRs. "Keep the change, man. Thanks."

"Thank you, come again," Mike called after the hipster as he left, the jingle bells clattering against the glass door behind him.

"Maybe we should actually do repairs more often," Jay said, eyeing the bills that Mike was folding up and putting in his back pocket.

"Yeah, maybe," Mike said. 

-

"Good luck tonight," Jay said as Mike was locking the door to the shop.

Good luck? Fuck, had Jay somehow figured out his plan to purchase him on the camboy black market?

"What are you talking about?" he said, trying to sound nonchalant as he shoved the keys in his pocket next to the folded-up money.

Jay looked at him like he was an idiot. "Your poker game?"

“Oh, right, of course,” Mike said, forcing a chuckle. “It’s gonna be great. I’m definitely gonna win a _ton_ of cash.”

“Yeah,” Jay said, sounding unimpressed. “See you tomorrow.” He turned and walked away, trudging through the snow on the sidewalk. Mike couldn’t help but watch for a moment as snowflakes dusted his shoulders and hair, until he’d walked too far away for Mike to see the snowflakes any more.

-

In an ideal world, Mike would be eating plain salad and drinking protein shakes, or whatever the fuck Jay had for dinner nowadays, so that he could get hot and impressive and look like one of those trim dudes on the camboy website, one of the super-hot and muscular guys that Jay probably liked to jack it to. But instead Mike was anxiety-eating fried chicken (KFC, extra crispy, straight out of the bucket) with one hand while refreshing Jay’s video page every fifteen seconds with his other hand.

He was halfway through his fourth drumstick and thinking about eating some of the day-glo orange macaroni and cheese next when FilmGuy69’s video feed finally popped up on his screen.

Jay looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. He was wearing a tight tank top with armholes that were just a little too wide. Was this some sort of gay fashion thing? (In a separate tab, he typed “gay men fashion” into the search bar, so he’d remember to look into it later.) It also looked like Jay had trimmed his beard a little bit. The moustache whiskers looked a little shorter than they did at work, where Mike may have stolen glances at Jay’s lips while he was drinking his coffee. And his hair was pushed to the side like it always was, but a strand had fallen down onto his forehead, because it didn’t look like he’d used gel or pomade or whatever shit he normally put in it to make it stay perfect all the time. Jay pushed the errant hair back up into place, and smiled, and, oh no, he was _so_ hot.

He sprinted to the sink to wash the fried chicken grease off his fingers, threw the leftovers in the fridge for later, grabbed a beer, and ran back to the computer. 

_PunkDragon_ : hi

“Hey,” Jay said flirtatiously, directly into the camera, like he was some fucking professional. “Good to see you again.”

There was no one else in the chat room yet. Mike had Jay all to himself. Shit. Fuck. What was he supposed to say? Something suave and debonair? Or maybe something sexy? What would gay James Bond say? 

_PunkDragon_ : how was your day?

Mike winced after he hit send, feeling like a dork. Whatever gay James Bond would have said, it probably wasn’t that. He watched as Jay read the question.

Jay looked up at the camera, an oddly unreadable expression on his face. This made Mike a little uncomfortable, since he could usually read Jay like a book. But the expression passed, and it was replaced with the kind of bland smile Mike had seen him use with sweet old women who came in to get their VCRs fixed.

“It was pretty good,” Jay said. “I started reading a new book. I guess that’s not very sexy.”

Okay, new strategy: just keep Jay talking to him, about whatever he wanted to talk about. Literally anything at all. Build that comfort level.

 _PunkDragon_ : what kind of book? What’s it about

“It’s really nerdy,” Jay said, rubbing the back of his neck in a pantomime of embarrassment, when in fact Mike knew he wasn’t embarrassed about being a horror dweeb at all. “It’s about the history of horror movies.”

 _PunkDragon_ : that sounds awesome

 _PunkDragon_ : what’s your favorite horror movie?

“Oh my god, I have so many,” Jay said, and his smile brightened into something real. It looked like he was about to launch into a little TED talk on his favorite horror movies, but before he could really get himself started, other people began appearing in the chat.

 _HondaLand_ : i see ur lookin fine tonight as usuall!!

 _Buckrogers72_ : hey baby boy

 _Ginger_ail_ : yo wassup

 _HondaLand_ : gettin some new followers huh ;)

“Yeah,” Jay said, the bland smile returning. “Thanks so much for stopping by again tonight. Thursday is basically gay Friday, right?”

Everyone in the chat posted variants of “lol,” but Mike didn’t get the joke. (In another tab, he typed “thursday gay friday” into the search bar. Clearly, he had a lot to learn.)

For the next fifteen minutes, Mike sat back and watched as guys came and went from the chat, all trying various clumsy techniques for hitting on Jay, while Jay listened to his ridiculous vaporwave music, made small talk with the chat room, and periodically lifted up his shirt to show his abs and chest. He looked a little bored, like his heart wasn’t really in it, but the guys in the chat didn’t seem to notice.

 _Ginger_ail_ : do u do priv shows?

 _HondaLand_ : he does and trust me...they’re worth it ;)

Mike was considering mentally adding HondaLand to the kill list, but he wasn’t as bad as Bigdickhere, who was mercifully absent tonight.

 _Ginger_ail_ : I bet u got a hot boyfriend, do he ever do shows wit u?

Jay laughed out loud at this. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Mike supposed it was a relief that Jay didn’t have some secret boyfriend that Mike somehow didn’t know about. It would have been hard for Jay to have a super-secret boyfriend, anyway, since he was always hanging out with Mike.

 _HondaLand_ : sounds fake but ok

 _Ginger_ail_ : its ok u can be honest

 _Buckrogers72:_ hard to believe cutie pie like you doesn’t have a boyfriend

Jay shrugged. He looked a little uncomfortable at the direction of this line of questioning. Mike had to jump in and rescue him, get him talking about something that would make him happy again.

 _PunkDragon_ : who’s your favorite actor?

Jay read his question, and then looked up at the camera. The strand of hair had fallen down onto his forehead again. He had a sort of mysterious look on his face, that same unreadable expression as before. “I don’t know if I really have a favorite actor,” Jay said, sounding a little cautious. “There are some actors that always seem to give reliably good performances, though. I’ve always been a fan of Kurt Russell, for example.”

Mike began typing a response, a detailed treatise on his opinions about Kurt Russell, but before he could finish it, the chat had moved on, and was now talking about how hot Jay looked in his tank top. They were right, of course, but Mike found it irritating that they were taking Jay’s attention away from him.

 _HondaLand_ : how much to take off your cute lil tank top

Jay smirked, predatory. “Twenty.”

_HondaLand tipped $20!_

_HondaLand_ : I’m getting a bonus at work this week

 _HondaLand_ : sold the most cars out of the whole region

“Congratulations,” Jay said, and Mike could tell that he was trying to sound impressed. The beat to his electronic music was thumping, and Jay slowly eased his shirt up, grinding his chest up against some imaginary dance partner, gyrating in time to the music. It was fucking hypnotic, and Mike couldn’t tear his eyes from the screen, even if he’d wanted to. 

He finally pulled the tank top over his head and tossed it offscreen, then relaxed against the wall behind him, somehow managing to still sit up straight enough that his stomach didn’t crease. Now that Mike could get a good look, he could see the slightest hint of abdominal muscles on Jay’s stomach, just the barest hint of shadows where a six-pack might be outlined.

Mike somehow felt deflated by this, like it was just visual proof that Jay would never, ever find him physically attractive or appealing in any way. He smacked his own stomach in irritation, frowning at the hollow, bongo-like sound it made, hating his body and hating himself for being too lazy to change it.

His beer was warm now, but he chugged the rest of it anyway, then got up to get another one. It had been so intoxicating, seeing Jay like this, the exotic object of masculine desire. But right now, the whole thing was only making him feel bad about himself.

He sat back down in front of the computer, and twisted the cap off a cold Milwaukee Brewing Company hefeweizen with a sigh. Jay was dancing again, but now it looked like he wasn’t even paying attention to the chat. His eyes were closed as he moved to the music. The sound was a little muffled by the transference from his microphone to Mike’s speakers, but Mike could recognize it as something he’d heard Jay listen to at the shop in the morning when he got there first and thought Mike wasn’t around. It had a haunting melody, and it would have sounded sad if it wasn’t accompanied by Jay’s mesmerizing movements.

All prior self-hating thoughts were cast aside as he watched Jay. It was easy to imagine him just like he’d been in Mike’s dream last night, alone on the dance floor at the gay bar, illuminated from below by disco lights, but in Mike’s imagination, the floor somehow wasn’t cheesy at all. Instead, he imagined Jay’s body covered in rainbow light, like he was some gay seraphim descended from Heaven to show humanity how to bump and grind just right.

After the song finished, and a new one began, it was as though a spell on Jay had been broken. He blinked his eyes open and turned back to the camera. “That felt good,” he said, and Mike had to admit that he looked much more relaxed now, kind of how Mike was starting to feel as the alcohol from his second beer was kicking in. Maybe he’d try dancing sometime, alone in his apartment, where no one could see him.

 _HondaLand_ : are you gonna do an auction tonight??

“Is there a demand for an auction tonight?” Jay said, smiling.

 _HondaLand_ : hell yeah there is. Start that timer sweet thing

Mike snickered to himself. Sweet thing? These guys didn’t know Jay at all. Jay was dangerous, predatory, wild, ferocious. 

He might also be a little sweet sometimes, Mike admitted to himself as he watched Jay click around to set up the auction timer. Sweet, and tiny, and in need of protection. Like a little wildcat, the kind that always looked like kittens for their whole lives, but secretly they’d fuck you up. Sand cats, maybe? Savage, but adorable.

“Five minutes,” Jay said. “Looking forward to seeing who wins.” He flashed a smile to the camera.

All right, here it goes. Time to place his bid and win Jay for himself. If Mike had calculated everything correctly, after today’s VCR repair job he now had $243.56 to spend on Jay’s auction. There was no way he’d be outbid, especially if he sniped the auction at the last second.

 _HondaLand_ : $50

 _Ginger_ail_ : $100

“Wow,” Jay said, and he actually did look impressed this time. “It’s been literally fifteen seconds.”

Panic rose in Mike’s throat as the bids started going up in ten dollar increments. 

At thirty seconds left on the clock, the price was at $210, and it was now or never.  
  
_PunkDragon_ : $240

His heart was pounding, loud enough to drown out Jay’s dance music. _Come on...5...4...3..._

 _HondaLand_ : $250

Jay’s eyes were as big as saucers. “Two fifty, going once? Twice?”  
  
Mike wanted to cry, felt a lump in his throat like he might actually do it.

“Then I guess I’m sold, to HondaLand,” Jay said, grinning. “Thank you guys so much. I’ll be right back, okay?” He got up and hustled out of the frame, presumably to do some sort of victory dance and then take a leak.

Mike drained the last of his hefeweizen, absolutely miserable. This was total bullshit. 

_Bigdickhere has joined the chat!_

“Great,” Mike muttered to himself. Just who he'd wanted to see.  
  
_Bigdickhere_ : did i miss the auction

 _Ginger_ail_ : yes

 _Bigdickhere_ : i’ll out bid whoever won

 _HondaLand_ : sorry man, early bird get the worm if you know what i mean

 _Bigdickhere_ : fuck u

Oh, shit, it was heating up. Jay was still gone, and Mike was feeling miserable enough to be darkly entertained by Bigdickhere’s disappointment.

 _HondaLand_ : no need to be an asshole

 _Bigdickhere_ : you won him for 250

 _Bigdickhere_ : ill pay 350

Bigdickhere was definitely back at the top of the kill list, Mike thought with dismay. Presumably HondaLand wasn’t going to be making bank selling cars or whatever every single week, but this asshole? Who the fuck knew.

 _HondaLand_ : just be on time then u can bid proper. I won fair and square

 _Bigdickhere_ : shut the fuck up. $400

Christ, what an asshole.

Jay came back into frame (still an absolute fucking vision) and sat down at his computer to read the chat.

 _Bigdickhere_ : what do u say baby. $400

Jay shook his head. “Sorry, maybe next time.”

 _Bigdickhere_ : maybe there won’t be a next time

Jay shrugged, but Mike could see the irritation on his face. “Sorry.”

 _Bigdickhere_ : why not? u too pure for big bucks now? U were a slut for me last night

“Uh, I’m good, thanks,” Jay said, now looking actually uncomfortable.

 _Bigdickhere_ : 500

Oh, fuck this asshole. Mike could physically feel his blood pressure go up, like it did before football games in high school, ready to legally beat the shit out of the other players. He set his hands to the keys.

 _PunkDragon_ : listen fuckface he said no. just because he gave you his time yesterday doesn’t mean you get to demand it again. That’s fucked up. He doesn’t owe you anything, so fuck off, asshole, go cry alone into the sock you jerked off in last night

Mike watched Jay’s face as he read his comment, and it transformed from nervous embarrassment into a real smile. “Thanks, PunkDragon,” he said with a chuckle, looking into the camera, and it felt like he was looking directly into Mike’s eyes.

Bigdickhere was probably typing some sort of shitty comment, but he didn’t get to submit it.

 _FilmGuy69 has removed Bigdickhere from the chat. Review chat rules_ _here_ _._

“That should solve that problem,” Jay said. He started typing something on his keyboard, probably some sort of harassment report.  
  
A pop-up window suddenly appeared on Mike's screen.

 _FilmGuy69 has sent you a private message! Click_ _here_ _to view!_

 _FilmGuy69_ : will you be on in an hour?

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Jay was looking at his screen, that weird unreadable expression on his face again, not giving away the fact that he just privately messaged Mike, holy shit.

 _PunkDragon_ : sure

 _FilmGuy69_ : okay. Don’t go anywhere!

“Okay, I’m going private now. Thank you so much for coming, everyone!” Jay looked into the camera and did a cute little wink and a wave, like he was a real celebrity or something. “See you later!”

The screen went black again like last night, with the text saying that he’d gone private. 

Jay actually wanted to talk to him. Or, well, to PunkDragon. Which was even better, in a way, because Jay didn't even know it was Mike, and he still wanted to talk to him.  
  
Mike felt like a knight in shining armor, suddenly, big and strong and ready to defend Jay with his life against horrifying monsters, or at least against horny online trolls. And Jay saw him, and noticed him, and now Mike’s heart was pounding for a good reason, finally.  
  
As he got up to get another beer, he smiled and hummed. If he couldn’t win Jay with his dashing sexy webcam boy good looks, or with his cold hard cash, then maybe he could win him over by being himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Mike spent the next hour primarily focused on mentally reviewing facts he knew about Jay, thinking of topics that two supposed strangers could discuss, and trying to maintain the perfect slight buzz without tipping into drunkenness. 

He had to come across as the safe, familiar person he actually was, but he also had to pretend Jay was a stranger. He couldn't know anything about Jay's movie preferences, or his hopes and dreams, or whether he preferred regular popcorn or kettle corn. He had to pretend to know nothing about Jay, and he had to come up with answers to questions that were similar enough to the truth without being all the same things as his true self. Like, if Jay asked him what his favorite movie was. He couldn't say _Ghostbusters_ , but maybe he could say _Poltergeist_. Oh, _Poltergeist_ was a good pick, actually. Jay would love that. 

His head was starting to spin a little bit, so he grabbed a glass of water and threw it back, chugging it and then refilling it at the sink before returning to sit down in his worn-out computer chair. It creaked as he leaned back, echoing into the darkness behind him.

A minute later, a window popped up.

_FilmGuy69_ : hey, still there?

Mike's heart was in his throat immediately. 

_PunkDragon_ : yeah! how's it going?

Was that a dumb thing to ask, considering Jay had probably just jacked it (or worse) for HondaLand?

_FilmGuy69_ : pretty good. Just made $250 lol

_FilmGuy69_ : idk about you but that's a lot of money to me

Mike chuckled at the screen.

_PunkDragon_ : I'm poor as fuck so yeah that's a lot of money lol, good job

_FilmGuy69_ : you say that but you were about to drop 240

Shit. He'd noticed. Was that good or bad? 

_PunkDragon_ : yeah I was gonna have to drop from 5 beers a day down to like 1...or 2...or 3

_FilmGuy69_ : lol

Knowing Jay was laughing at his jokes even when he didn't know it was Mike who was making them? Amazing.

_FilmGuy69_ : I like a beer or two myself. Milwaukee's kinda known for it. We have the best breweries anywhere

_FilmGuy69_ : where are you from?

Fuck. He couldn't say Milwaukee, could he? That would be bad. Shit. Maybe some other non-threatening, mid-sized Midwestern city.

_PunkDragon_ : Minneapolis

_PunkDragon_ : we have the best malls anywhere

Yeah, and now if Jay asked what he did, he could say he worked at the Mall of America, doing AV stuff, or something. Perfect alibi.

_FilmGuy69_ : LOL

_FilmGuy69_ : either I've had too many beers for a Thursday night or you're actually funny

"Yesss," Mike hissed aloud to himself.

_PunkDragon_ : why not both?

There wasn't anything there for Jay to respond to. Mike had to keep the conversation going, or Jay would disconnect and go to bed and then he'd have to wait a whole 11 hours before getting to talk to him again, and that felt intolerable for some reason.

_PunkDragon_ : so, Kurt Russell. I had a whole thing typed out about him as an actor but I didn't want to derail your stream

_FilmGuy69_ : haha idk I would have been okay with derailing some of that stream tbh

_FilmGuy69_ : thanks for that, btw. Telling bigdick to fuck off

Mike took a deep breath before setting his hands to the keyboard. Whatever he said here had to show Jay that he was safe and respectful and not an asswipe who was just wanting to impress him so he could have a chance to see him naked or something. Even though that was…kind of true, whoops.

_PunkDragon_ : sorry you had to deal with that. Some guys are real dicks, thinking you owe them anything. Fuck em, you don't owe anybody shit

_FilmGuy69_ : honestly bigdick was probably the worst private stream I ever did. He def gets off on like being degrading and mean and shit like that

Okay, definitely had to kill Bigdickhere, no question about it. Mike was going to type a reply, but at the bottom of the chat window, it said "FilmGuy69 is typing…" He decided to wait and see what Jay would write.

_FilmGuy69_ : which, honestly? In the right context, with someone you trust? Super hot, lol. But not from some random dude on the internet

_FilmGuy69_ : and like it's not as though I'm vanilla lol, i mean...I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't get off on it, I don't really NEED the money (nice to have though)

_FilmGuy69_ : but there's a big difference between being kind of an exhibitionist and wanting someone to tell you you're a worthless slut who will never be anything more than a cum dumpster, etc etc

Mike's hands were balled up into clenched fists, quivering against his thighs. It was very tempting to punch something, anything. The couch, the glass of water next to him, the wall, the computer screen. But that was something he would have done as a dumbass teenager, and now he was definitely too mature for that, he told himself. No, he'd channel his rage into something productive, like writing quality replies to Jay, and maybe going for a run once Jay logged off, even though it was still snowing. He'd been thinking about taking up running, anyway.

_PunkDragon_ : Jesus christ. I'm sorry. Do you want me to kill him for you? 

_FilmGuy69_ : LOL no that's okay

_FilmGuy69_ : don't go to prison for me

_FilmGuy69_ : thanks though :)

_I would absolutely go to prison for you,_ Mike thought. Sometimes it felt like he had gone to prison for him already, in his heart, which was locked away and unreachable by anyone besides Jay. 

_PunkDragon_ : let me know if you change your mind and just want me to kill him later

_PunkDragon_ : but anyway, you were saying before that you like horror movies?

Got to keep him talking. Anything to keep Jay here, on his screen, in his tiny dark apartment. Anything to keep this little connection.

_FilmGuy69_ : fuck yeah! I love horror movies

_PunkDragon_ : what’s your fave?

_FilmGuy69_ : definitely The Exorcist

_FilmGuy69_ : it’s so culturally important and it still holds up to this day, it’s still fucking scary. You’ve seen it, right?

_PunkDragon_ : yeah, it’s great. Had nightmares for a week after i saw it for the first time

This was true. Jay had shown it to him shortly after they’d first met, and he’d slept with the light on for longer than he wanted to admit.

_FilmGuy69_ : do you like horror movies?

Yes! Jay had asked him a question. Jay wanted to get to know him. Mike told himself that this meant that Jay was feeling this connection too, a little spark between them, even over text chat, even when he had no idea that it was really Mike on the other side of the screen.

_PunkDragon_ : yeah dude i love horror movies. if i had to pick one (which is hard) Poltergeist is my favorite

_FilmGuy69_ : i love poltergeist! The staircase scene gets me every time

The conversation flowed easily between them, as easily as it would have if they had just been shooting the shit at work. They talked about movies for half an hour, and Mike pulled a few answers out of his ass, claiming that his favorite actor was John Cusack and his favorite director was Tarantino (so cliche, but a safe choice). Then Jay took a hard left turn.

_FilmGuy69_ : so do you have a boyfriend?

Mike had not been expecting that question, although in retrospect, he probably should have at least considered the possibility that it might be raised.

_PunkDragon_ : nope

Should he tell Jay that he’d never had a boyfriend? That he was bi, but had only ever had hookups? Or would that make him sound like some sort of slut or player or secret straight guy or something?

_FilmGuy69_ : me neither, wasn’t just saying that for the stream haha

An interesting question popped into Mike’s head, and he typed it out and hit ‘Send’ before he could change his mind.

_PunkDragon_ : anyone you like?

His pulse, which had calmed down to a normal rate while they were talking about movies, had shot back up, thumping against his ribs as he watched ‘FilmGuy69 is typing…’ flash along the bottom of the screen.

_FilmGuy69_ : lol i’ve had a crush on this guy i work with for like...years

Mike read the sentence. Then he read it again. And again, fourteen more times, for good measure.

There was literally only one person on Earth that Jay could be talking about.

Mike’s answer had to be calm, casual, chill. It couldn’t give anything away.

_PunkDragon_ : oh yeah? what’s he like

(Nice, easy. Not even a second question mark. Barely sounds interested. Perfect.)

_FilmGuy69_ : he’s…

_FilmGuy69_ : well. lol. He’s sort of hard to describe

Wait, was Mike hard to describe? He’d always thought of himself as kind of a simple man. Movies and beer, that was it, wasn’t it?

_FilmGuy69_ : he’s my best friend, i’ve known him for practically my entire adult life

_FilmGuy69_ : i’m pretty sure he’s hetero though

_FilmGuy69_ : like sometimes it feels like he’s flirting with me but i’ve literally never heard him imply that he’s anything but straight

Mike’s heart was slamming in his chest as he stuttered out a reply.

_PunkDragon_ : you should ask him whether he’s straight

_PunkDragon_ : maybe he’s less hetero than you think 

_PunkDragon_ : pretty sure being around you all day might make a guy a little bi-curious lol

_FilmGuy69_ : i don’t even know how i’d bring that up. “Oh hey Mike i need the socket wrench and by the way do you like fucking guys”

_FilmGuy69_ : he used to date girls but i haven’t seen any around lately so idk

_FilmGuy69_ : i’ve known him for so long though. I feel like it would have come up before now if he was bi 

Mike had no fucking clue what to say. Obviously, he couldn’t text Jay out of nowhere and be like “hey btw i’m bisexual and definitely enjoy fucking guys.” Had he really been so opaque about his sexuality? Had he never mentioned that he thought Alan Rickman was hot as fuck in _Die Hard_? 

Then he had an idea. 

_PunkDragon_ : are there any gay bars in milwaukee? Bet if he saw you dance like you did earlier tonight, you’d find out real quick whether he was into you (you’re a great dancer)

_FilmGuy69_ : thank you, lol yeah there are gay bars here

_FilmGuy69_ : guess inviting him to one would be a pretty good way to figure out whether he’s even comfortable with the idea of being perceived as being queer in any way

_FilmGuy69_ : i definitely don’t think he’s ever seen me dance lol

_PunkDragon_ : his loss :) but you should ask him!

_PunkDragon_ : you never know. Maybe he’s been holding a candle for you too

Mike wasn’t holding a candle for Jay. He was a burning wildfire.

_FilmGuy69_ : you’re right. Or at least, i want you to be right

_FilmGuy69_ : god i want you to be right lol

_FilmGuy69_ : okay. I’m gonna ask him tomorrow

_PunkDragon_ : awesome!

_Deep breaths,_ Mike told himself. Deep, slow breaths. If he had a heart attack from this conversation and died at his desk like a middle-aged stockbroker, then he’d never find out if Jay would really be brave enough to ask him out. Or, not out like on a date, but just out and about, to a bar. A gay bar. Where Jay would dance. In front of Mike. Because he had a crush on Mike. 

Jay having a little crush on Mike was very convenient, really, because Mike was starting to realize that he was, possibly, maybe, just a little bit, completely and madly in love with Jay.

_FilmGuy69_ : you want a freebie?

_PunkDragon_ : what do you mean?

_FilmGuy69_ : a free private show. Just a lil one. Still horny from my earlier show, i didn’t come yet

_FilmGuy69_ : i think HondaLand is into orgasm denial lol

A free private show. Right now. From Jay.  
  
Deep, slow breaths.  
  
Mike’s brain was static as he typed out his reply.

_PunkDragon_ : for real? That would be amazing

_FilmGuy69 wants to connect with you! Click HERE to connect!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter (FINALLY THE CAM SHOW) is coming really soon! i could have waited and bundled it into one chapter, but you guys have been so awesome and I just wanted to put this out there to thank you guys so much for your wonderful and kind comments ahhh, every comment gives me more motivation to write more! thank you :) <3
> 
> every chapter i post extends the final chapter count by AT LEAST one lol...and now Jay is gonna ask Mike to go to a bar with him??? what's gonna happen :0 i wonder!!!
> 
> anyway thank you so much for reading <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Sam, who is a great cheerleader :)

This was a dream. 

Mike grabbed some of his stomach flab and pinched it as hard as he could. “Ow, fuck,” he muttered. 

Maybe it wasn’t a dream after all.

He clicked the blue ‘Connect with FilmGuy69’ button on the pop-up, and a new window opened.

“Hey,” Jay said, and grinned into the camera. His teeth were so white and straight now, Mike noticed, even though he’d always had a beautiful smile, even when his teeth were yellow and crooked, and sometimes Mike kind of missed his crooked teeth just a little bit.  
Then he felt stupid for being so caught up in Jay’s dumb familiar face, because Jay was also totally naked.

He had a blanket over the top of his lap, a plaid-patterned fleece that Mike had seen draped over the arm of his couch sometimes when they’d watch movies at Jay’s apartment. Below the blanket, Mike could see his knees (still bony, even though the rest of him was a little more muscular), and some of his pale thighs, which had only the lightest dusting of blond hair.

 _PunkDragon_ : hey

 _PunkDragon_ : wow

 _PunkDragon_ : you look great

It was true. Jay’s chest and stomach (with that one precious freckle) were firm, and he could see a line of hair trailing down from Jay’s trim little belly button, just barely beginning to expand into something denser before it was covered by the blanket.

More importantly, Jay’s cheeks were flushed pink, and he was smiling into the camera. He looked as cheerful as Mike had ever seen him. Mike found himself wondering if Jay really did enjoy getting attention from strange men, and whether it scratched some sort of itch for him beyond just exhibitionism and extra cash.

“Thanks,” Jay said. “I’m still feeling pretty good from just, like, edging for an hour, for HondaLand’s enjoyment. Well, and for his money.”

 _PunkDragon_ : lol

 _PunkDragon_ : do you like edging? Or do you just like doing what people tell you to do?

As soon as he sent that, he realized it might have sounded creepy, and he immediately started typing a clarifying apology. But Jay just laughed, and said, “Yeah, I kinda do enjoy following orders.”

 _PunkDragon_ : shit, i’m sorry, I didn’t mean that in like a demeaning way!! 

_PunkDragon_ : i just meant, do you have anything that you like to do, because you like to do it? If you know what i mean? 

Mike watched Jay lean in to read his message. He had a look of attempted focus on his face that Mike recognized as being a little tipsy (he could see a couple beer bottles on Jay’s desk). His lips were a delicate pink that somehow didn’t get washed out by the webcam. What would it be like to kiss those lips? Would they be soft? Would his moustache tickle Mike’s nose?

“You want to know what I’m into?” Jay said, and he winked at the camera. Fuck.

 _PunkDragon_ : yes

 _PunkDragon_ : god yes

“You first,” Jay said, grinning wickedly.

 _PunkDragon_ : haha shit, okay. Let me think

Mike had to tell the truth--had to--but maybe he should start with something kind of vanilla. Or, like, soft, and non-threatening. Maybe he shouldn’t lead with his detailed fantasies of the varied and slightly cruel things he wanted to do to a pliant, submissive, kneeling Jay. 

_PunkDragon_ : I like cute guys with beards. Otter types

Jay smirked. “I hope so, or else you came to the wrong stream.”

 _PunkDragon_ : oh so you KNOW you’re cute, huh?

“Well, the guys on this site seem to think so, anyway,” Jay said, his smile faltering.

Shit! No more ribbing! Back to being non-threatening!

 _PunkDragon_ : well they’re right. You’re very cute

 _PunkDragon_ : you’re like the cutest guy i’ve ever seen?

This was not a lie, Mike was bothered to realize. How long had this been true? Precisely how long had Jay been the cutest guy in the entire fucking world? Years of watching movies, not to mention endless amounts of porn, had not yielded an awareness of any men who were more attractive to Mike than Jay was.

 _PunkDragon_ : okay i’ll tell you something i like besides the obvious (cute bearded guys)

 _PunkDragon_ : i love cuddling. I can’t get enough, lol

“I’m not sure if I like cuddling,” Jay said. “I haven’t really had a boyfriend before.” He looked away from the camera, the tips of his ears bright red, and Mike realized he was going to have to come up with a response that indicated surprise, but also forwarded his cause.

 _PunkDragon_ : oh really? That’s surprising! Well maybe your luck will change with that coworker of yours

Hang on. Wait.

Hang on.

 _PunkDragon_ : you don’t have to answer this, but does that mean you are a virgin? (you don’t have to answer)

Jay laughed at this. “I don’t even know how that’s decided these days. Because I’ve put things up my ass that are definitely bigger than any guy’s dick, so I don’t feel particularly virginal.”

Holy shit. There was like a 75% chance that Jay was saying that he’d never actually had sex with another person. Mike was burning with curiosity, but he didn’t want to press the issue. If it became relevant (and god, Mike really hoped it would become relevant), Mike would figure out exactly what Jay had and hadn’t done, but pressing it now seemed like a bad idea. But fuck if the idea of a quasi-virginal Jay wasn’t making his dick rock-hard.

 _PunkDragon_ : that’s cool

 _PunkDragon_ : so you like receiving, then? Or giving it to yourself? Or whatever?

Jay snickered. “Yeah, of course. Honestly, the bigger, the better. I guess I’m kind of a size queen.”

 _PunkDragon_ : do you like big guys too?

 _Please say yes_ , Mike fretted as he took a drink from his water glass.

“Oh, yeah,” Jay said. “I’m into bears. If my coworker was gay, he’d be, like, peak bear. I fucking love bears.”

 _So this is what winning the lottery while riding a roller coaster feels like_ , Mike thought as he typed a reply, butterflies breakdancing in his stomach.

 _PunkDragon_ : so if i told you that i’m a bear with a big dick, would you be into that?

 _PunkDragon_ : because it’s totally true :)

Jay looked into the camera, a predatory glint in his green eyes. “I’d tell you to prove it.”

 _PunkDragon_ : you want photos?

“Do that thing that they have kidnapping victims do, and hold your dick next to today’s newspaper,” Jay said, grinning again. 

_PunkDragon_ : well i’m too poor and dumb to subscribe to the newspaper, so i’ll just write my username down, how’s that?

“Sounds good.” Jay leaned back against his headboard (when had he bought a fancy-ass headboard? Maybe recently, with all his camboy profits), and snaked his hand under the blanket, where he was probably touching himself. Watching this made Mike so hard that he felt like he was going to burst a blood vessel somewhere, so now seemed like a good time to take that dick photo. 

He scribbled “PunkDragon” on the back of a moderately-sized envelope, then pushed his pajama pants and boxers down at the same time and kicked them off onto the floor, sighing in relief as his cock sprang free. With one hand, he held up his phone, and with the other one, he held the envelope with his username on it to the side of his dick. It was longer than the envelope, which just made it look even bigger than it already was (which, he was proud to admit, was pretty fuckin’ big). 

He emailed the photo to himself, then uploaded it to the chat window.

 _PunkDragon has uploaded a photo, which has been hidden by the chat filter. Click_ _here_ _to see dragondick.jpg_

“Are you a furry or something?” Jay laughed as he leaned forward to click the picture link.

 _PunkDragon_ : no! I just like dragons

“Sounds like something a furry would say,” Jay said, raising an eyebrow at the camera before taking a look at the picture.

He appeared to be studying it carefully, appraising the image, and for a brief moment Mike kind of felt like Jay was the Egyptian death god, who was weighing his soul to determine whether it was lighter than a feather or some shit like that. But then he looked back at the camera with a sly smile. “Very nice. Don’t suppose you’d send me a full body shot, since you claim to be a hot bear…” 

Mike could see a new tent popping up in the blanket covering Jay’s lap. If a full body shot was what Jay wanted, then by god, Jay was going to get it.

 _PunkDragon_ : sure, just a minute

Obviously, he couldn’t show his face, or any of his messy, nerdy apartment, which Jay would also recognize. He went into the bathroom, dropping his shirt off in the hamper along the way, and shut the door behind him. A white door wasn’t recognizable, right? Practically everyone had white doors at home. 

He lined up the shot in the mirror, making sure to get his whole body from the neck down, holding the username envelope to the side. He frowned at his reflection, at his gut covered in dark hair and his flabby, thick chest, but at least his cock still looked big, even in proportion with the rest of his body. He angled himself to make it look as big as possible, gave it a couple tugs to maximize fullness, then clicked the button on the camera app.

He didn’t bother to put his pajamas back on, since he was probably just going to jack off and pass out, so he flopped down bare-assed into his computer chair and uploaded the photo.  
_PunkDragon_ : guess it’s time to see if you really do like big guys haha

 _PunkDragon has uploaded a photo, which has been hidden by the chat filter. Click_ _here_ _to see dragonbody.jpg_

Jay’s reaction to this picture was much more immediate. “Wow,” he said, staring at his screen. “God, that’s like, the hottest body. Fuck.” He studied the photo for a moment, then added, “Too bad I can’t see your face.”

Jay was probably just being nice, but a part of Mike wanted to believe him, that he really did find his body hot. It seemed impossible that someone as incredibly attractive as Jay would find someone like Mike appealing. He felt like a fat, ugly slob on a daily basis, and imagining that Jay really, actually thought differently still felt like the heights of fantasy.

 _PunkDragon_ : i would love to show you but i’m ugly lol

“I find that very hard to believe,” Jay said. “With that body? Doubt it.”

Every time Jay said something complimentary, a little spark of hope flared up in Mike’s chest. He wanted so badly to believe everything Jay was telling him, but believing suddenly didn’t feel like enough.

 _PunkDragon_ : you’re too nice. Thank you

“I’m not being nice,” Jay said. “I told you, I’m horny for bears. Want proof?”

Proof. Proof, like probably “Jay was about to show Mike his dick” proof.

 _PunkDragon_ : more than almost anything

“ _Almost_ anything? What do you want more?” Jay laughed.

 _PunkDragon_ : to be in the same room as you 

Jay’s face softened as he read this. “Now who’s being nice?”

 _PunkDragon_ : but I’ll take seeing what’s under the blanket as a consolation prize

Jay slid the plaid blanket down a few inches, exposing a nest of blond curls. They were a paler blond than the hair on his head, which was sort of a murky dark blond. The curls he was showing now looked like spun gold.

 _PunkDragon_ : don’t think i’ve ever seen *pretty* pubes before

Jay crinkled his nose as he laughed. “Hopefully you think the rest is pretty, too, I guess.” He pulled the blanket to the side, tossing it onto the bed next to him.

Mike’s first, ridiculous thought was that his cock looked like a rose. The head was a shade of pink that was indeed pretty, atop a modest shaft that was proportional to the rest of Jay’s body. Not too small, but Mike was pretty sure that he could fit the whole thing in his mouth without choking, if he really tried hard and believed in himself.

He must have stared for too long, because Jay said, “I’m going to interpret your silence as a compliment.”

 _PunkDragon_ : yeah holy fuck

 _PunkDragon_ : i mean i haven’t seen *that* many dicks in my day

 _PunkDragon_ : but yours is especially fucking nice

Jay grinned. He leaned back against his headboard and started stroking himself in a slow, lazy rhythm. “So, if you _were_ in the same room as me, as you claim to want, what would you do?”

Okay. _Deep breaths._ Clearly, what Jay wanted was for Mike to talk him off, like, over sex chat. He could do this. He just needed to focus all his horny energy on saying dirty shit that Jay would enjoy.

 _PunkDragon_ : romantic cuddling. Spooning, ideally

That wasn’t dirty at all, but Jay laughed. “I wouldn’t mind getting spooned by a big hairy bear.”

 _PunkDragon_ : i mean, of course, that would just be how it starts

 _PunkDragon_ : soon you’d be feeling my big dick pressing against your leg

 _PunkDragon_ : you wouldn’t be able to mistake it for anything else

 _PunkDragon_ : you’d know how much i want you

“I like this beginning,” Jay said. It looked like he was using a little more pressure now, getting fully hard in his hand.

 _PunkDragon_ : well, good, cause i’m just getting started

 _PunkDragon_ : i’d run my hands up and down your chest and stomach

 _PunkDragon_ : you have such an amazing body, i wouldn’t be able to stop touching it. I’d want to touch you all the time

This was definitely already true. Mike had to stop himself from touching Jay on a regular basis, to get his attention or move him out of the way, or just because, for no reason.

As Mike watched for a reaction, Jay ran his free hand up his stomach, to his chest, back down and up again.

Oh, fuck. So that was how it was going to be?

 _PunkDragon_ : i’d touch your nipples for sure

 _PunkDragon_ : little pink rosebuds

 _PunkDragon_ : i’d pinch and squeeze them

 _PunkDragon_ : er. How hard should I go?

Jay grabbed his left nipple and twisted it so hard that Mike was briefly concerned for its structural integrity. “Pretty hard,” he said, wincing.

It figured that Jay was a masochist. Of course he was! As though Mike could have ever had any doubt. 

_PunkDragon_ : well that’s what i’d do then

 _PunkDragon_ : i’d pinch them *so* hard

 _PunkDragon_ : twist them tight, too

 _PunkDragon_ : maybe dig my fingernail in just a little bit

Jay must have done that right then, because he moaned softly, and resumed tugging on his dick in earnest.

 _PunkDragon_ : exactly :)

 _PunkDragon_ : and then I'd get my hands around your waist

 _PunkDragon_ : your trim narrow little waist

 _PunkDragon_ : I got really big hands. Bet i could practically get them all the way around

Jay made a soft little noise that Mike could barely hear over the ambient microphone noise. It might have been a whimper. The thought of Jay whimpering in submission to his hands around his waist made Mike really glad he wasn't wearing pants, as he palmed himself a couple times before returning his hands to the keyboard.

 _PunkDragon_ : you like size difference?

 _PunkDragon_ : you say you like big guys so I bet you like size difference. A big strong burly guy manhandling you, tossing you around, putting you in whatever position he wants

"Fuck," Jay muttered. His hand speed started to increase, beginning to blur with the webcam's framerate.

 _PunkDragon_ : that's what I thought. You just need a big guy to take care of you

 _PunkDragon_ : lay you down on your back and go nice and slow with his fingers

Mike didn't know where any of this shit was coming from. It wasn't like he read a bunch of erotic stories all the time, like where Kirk was fucking Spock on the bridge or whatever. (Although, now that he considered it, that actually sounded kind of great.) The words were just flowing out of his fingers like water. Pervert water.

 _PunkDragon_ : you say you like big dicks but I bet you’re still tight

 _PunkDragon_ : i’ll use lots of lube so i don’t hurt you when i slip a finger in

“You don’t have to,” Jay panted. “I like when it hurts.”

Mike wasn’t sure why that surprised him, because Jay was obviously a masochistic little freak, but the idea that he might get off on truly painful, maybe permanently-damaging sex was still shocking to him. He wasn’t into that, hating the idea of actually hurting Jay for real, and not just with sharp tweaks to his pert little nipples.

 _PunkDragon_ : well maybe i don’t *want* to hurt you for real

 _PunkDragon_ : you deserve to be treated right. Especially if it’s your first time

Jay scoffed at this, but his cheeks were bright red. “What if I want you to hurt me?”

 _PunkDragon_ : maybe on subsequent fuckings

 _PunkDragon_ : call me crazy, but i think your first time should be loving and gentle!!

Jay rolled his eyes, but Mike could see the flush creeping down his neck and starting to blotch his chest. How hilarious would it be if pain and blood and all that shit was, like, vanilla and normal to Jay, but actually being treated like a perfect treasured little prince was the height of edgy embarrassing kink?

 _PunkDragon_ : so i’d slip a finger tip in, just one, with plenty of lube, because i respect you god damn it

Jay chuckled at this. Mike grinned at his computer screen, at the image of Jay jacking it furiously while he read Mike’s innermost desires. None of this felt real. It felt like a video game, where the object was to simultaneously embarrass, arouse, and seduce Jay, and if he could make Jay come, he would win the game.

 _PunkDragon_ : my hands are really big so you’ll definitely feel just one finger

 _PunkDragon_ : I’ll push in real slow, while I tell you how fucking beautiful you are

 _PunkDragon_ : treat you right, like you deserve

Jay was biting his lower lip as he read Mike’s messages, and if Mike had known how to take a screenshot with his computer, he would have made that image his desktop wallpaper, and would never change it, ever.

 _PunkDragon_ : then I’ll slip another finger in and start stretching you open

 _PunkDragon_ : real slow, i’ll work you slow and gentle, get you ready for me

Jay groaned audibly at this, and stopped jerking himself. Shit, did Mike say something wrong? But no, Jay was just switching positions, slouching down and bending one leg, reaching down and behind his back so he could--

Oh, fuck. Jay shoved two fingers deep inside himself with no preamble. The webcam picked up on a shine on his fingers, so he must have had some lube still up in there from his last show. As he watched Jay slide his fingers in and out of his pink hole, Mike gave himself a couple rough tugs, smearing pre-come across the head with a firm twist.

 _PunkDragon_ : god, you look so good doing that, fucking yourself open with your fingers. Pretend it’s my hand

Jay grinned. “I already was.”

 _PunkDragon_ : good haha

 _PunkDragon_ : then after I’d stretched you enough, i’d put a third finger in

He watched as Jay did exactly this, adding his ring finger and shoving all three fingers inside as far as they’d go, his thumb and little finger splayed out against his smooth skin.

 _PunkDragon_ : wow

 _PunkDragon_ : can you just...keep doing that for a second lol

Jay chuckled, breathy and soft. Over the webcam audio, Mike could almost make out the sound of his fingers moving in and out. He reached down to stroke himself again, trying to do it in the slow, steady rhythm of Jay’s hand. It was tantalizingly slow, and his toes started tingling in that weird way they did when he’d been edging too long and desperately needed to come.

 _PunkDragon_ : i’d spread my fingers out enough to match the circumference of my dick

 _PunkDragon_ : and then once you were good and ready, I’d lube up

He typed “I’d hold you so close and tell you i love you” and was about to hit send before he realized what he’d typed. He recoiled, cringing at how close he’d come to giving the whole game away, his heart pounding. He needed to be more vigilant. Same energy, but no love talk. No matter how much he was feeling it right now.

 _PunkDragon_ : I’d hold you so close, and push in, nice and slow. Easy and gentle. I’d slide right in because you’re so open for me

Jay reached out of frame with his free hand, his other hand still buried three fingers deep in his ass. He returned with a bright purple dildo, which looked a couple inches shorter and much narrower than Mike’s own cock. It was cute and non-threatening, and appeared to be smooth and featureless silicone, and Mike wondered whether it was the first dildo that Jay had bought for himself. Then Jay pulled his fingers out, spread the lube from his fingers onto the dildo, and slid it slowly inside.

 _PunkDragon_ : fuck. Yes. exactly like that

 _PunkDragon_ : nice and slow, i’m gonna take care of you, promise

Something flashed on Jay’s face when he read this, and Mike immediately regretted sending it, because it must have been too far on the “btw i love you” end of the spectrum. But he blinked up at the camera with his stupid beautiful doe eyes, and whispered, “You promise?”

 _PunkDragon_ : I promise

 _PunkDragon_ : fuck yes, i promise, i’ll take care of you. Anything you need, i’ll give it to you. Whatever you want. I’ll treat you right i fucking swear it

This was getting out of hand, and quickly, but Jay reached down with his free hand and started tugging at his red cock so fast that the webcam couldn’t pick it up, and it was just a blur. “Go on,” he choked out, grimacing in what Mike could only hope was an expression of pleasure.

 _PunkDragon_ : yeah of course. Yes

 _PunkDragon_ : i’ll treat you like a prince. I’ll hold you so close while i fuck you, i’ll kiss you and touch you all over, make you feel so good while you take me so deep inside

Mike felt like he was losing his touch a little bit, probably because all the blood had left his brain and flooded his dick instead, but Jay didn’t seem to mind, or even notice. He groaned as he sped up the dildo’s thrusts, his other hand still a total blur on his dick. “I’m close,” he grunted.

 _PunkDragon_ : I want you to come while i’m buried deep inside you

 _PunkDragon_ : want you to make noise when you come, i want to hear you

 _PunkDragon_ : and feel you all hot and tight around me

 _PunkDragon_ : and hold you close while i feel you come all over both of us

“Fuck,” Jay moaned, his eyes squeezing shut. “I’m gonna--I’m coming--” 

As Mike watched the screen, he saw Jay arch his back so hard that it looked like he was levitating off the bed. He cried out in a wordless shout, and a shot of white flew in an arc and splashed across his chest, followed closely by another few spurts that landed on his stomach. It was an impressive amount of come, actually, and Jay looked good in it, splattered in pearlescent white.

 _PunkDragon_ : you look so great covered in come

Jay opened his eyes, his mysterious beautiful dark forest eyes, and read Mike’s message. “You could add to it if you want,” he said, and as Mike watched, he smeared the come up and across his chest. 

_PunkDragon_ : holy shit that’s so hot. Yes please. I’m close too, gonna add my come to yours. Drench you in it

Mike returned his hand to his own cock and started rubbing furiously, wanting to come as quickly as possible, before Jay got bored and switched his camera off. But Jay was just staring up into the camera while he drew patterns into the come on his chest. “I need more,” he said. “Will you give it to me?”

Jesus fucking christ. “Yes,” Mike said to his empty apartment, to the Jay on his computer screen. He bent over to pick up a pair of boxers from the floor, holding it in front of himself, because he could feel his balls tingling and tightening.

“Please,” Jay said, blinking up at the camera. “I need you.”

Mike groaned a sound that may have been Jay’s name as he erupted out into the dirty fabric, his vision whiting out into stars for a few long, blissful seconds of pleasure. All the tension of the past couple of days left his body as he slumped over with a heavy and satisfied sigh. He squeezed out the last few drops and let the boxers fall to the floor in a crumpled ball. When he opened his eyes and looked back at the screen, Jay was laying back, looking all sultry at the camera.

 _PunkDragon_ : thank you

 _PunkDragon_ : that was amazing. You’re incredible

"Thank _you,_ " Jay said, smiling softly. "I'm gonna sleep well tonight."

 _PunkDragon_ : good luck with your coworker tomorrow 

_PunkDragon_ : feel free to let me know how it goes

"I'm gonna need that luck," Jay said with a sigh.

 _No, you won't,_ Mike wanted to say, but he thought that wouldn't be a smart idea.

 _PunkDragon_ : well, good luck and good night :)

"Good night," Jay said. It almost looked like he was going to say something else, but he must have changed his mind, and he reached up to turn off the webcam.

_FilmGuy69 has logged off._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right under the wire for International Fanworks Day (2/15)!
> 
> This chapter is for Cassie, because doing a writing sprint with her finally got me to finish this chapter :)
> 
> -

"That will be five dollars and thirty-two cents," the cashier said in a bored drawl, even though Mike had already swiped his card through the reader and was reaching over to grab his purchase. "Would you like a bag?"

"That's what this is for," Mike said as he put the half gallon carton of skim milk into the sparkling gift bag.

\--

Mike got to the shop first, which was lucky, because he had time to execute his plan, and then some extra time to feel anxious about whether Jay would even appreciate the gesture, or whether he'd just think it was dumb.

As he was brewing the morning pot of coffee, he heard the clanging of the bells on the front door. "Hey," he called out.

"Hey," Jay said as he walked into the back room. "How'd it go last night?"

Mike nearly dropped the pot of coffee. "I--what? What are you talking about?" he sputtered. 

Jay quirked an eyebrow at him. "Your poker game?" 

"Oh! Right!" Mike laughed weakly. "It went great. I won the jackpot." This didn't feel like a lie at all, actually.

"Nice," Jay said. "You should deal me in next time. I'm kind of a card shark, you know. Made a killing in Vegas when I was there for my brother's wedding last year."

"Oh yeah?" The image of Jay sitting at the poker table, stone-faced with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, was hotter than the pot of coffee Mike had in his hand. As he poured mugs for both of them, he said, "Never would've guessed."

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," Jay said. 

He must have realized how odd (flirtatious?) the statement sounded, because before Mike could respond, Jay hastily added, "So, anyway. Saw a couple of VCRs on the front table. Guess I'll go start working on those." He turned away towards the front of the shop.

"Wait!" Mike said. "You forgot your coffee!" He held out the zombie head mug for Jay to take. 

"Right," Jay said, taking the mug from him. He frowned into it. "Damn it, I forgot to buy milk."

Mike opened the refrigerator door, gesturing towards it with a grand wave of his hand, his heart starting to thump. 

Jay peered into the fridge. His eyes widened, then narrowed, followed by a suspicious smile. It reminded Mike of a few months ago, when he'd made a reservation at a fancy Japanese hibachi grill restaurant for Jay's birthday, but refused to tell Jay where they were going. He'd made that face the whole way there while Mike had grinned stupidly. Then their knees had touched under the hibachi table, and after a few cups of sake, Jay's eyes had twinkled in a certain way when Mike whispered jokes to him during the hibachi chef's show, and maybe Mike had always been in love with him.

Jay reached into the fridge and pulled the gift bag out. It was a Christmas gift bag with a penguin wearing earmuffs and a glittery scarf, but Jay didn't seem to mind. He looked inside and then grinned at Mike, a brilliant smile that made him feel warm all over. "You got milk!"

"Surprise," Mike said, grinning back. 

"Thank you," Jay said, unscrewing the cap and pouring a generous amount into his cup.

"Hit me too," Mike said, holding his mug out.

Jay hesitated. "I thought you only liked heavy cream."

"Maybe I want to experiment with eating healthy too," Mike said. This wasn't entirely a lie, although he really did prefer heavy cream.

"Yeah, okay," Jay said, and poured a liberal amount into Mike's cup. It turned from black to a dark tan, nowhere near the light camel color he preferred, but maybe he could develop a taste for it. "Let me know if you want any tips or recipes or anything."

"Yeah, what's the best salad to serve with Hot Pockets?"

Jay snickered as he returned the milk to the fridge (back into the gift bag first, Mike noticed, feeling triumphant). "That's a good starting point. Nowhere to go but up."

\--

Usually, Fridays were a procession of hipsters bringing their VCRs to the shop in advance of their ironic weekend parties, often in a panic because they’d somehow just realized the 30-year-old centerpiece of their party was broken. But today was quieter than usual for a Friday, without any in-person customers before lunch. 

A few online orders had arrived in the morning, packaged for mailing in beat-up Amazon boxes or stuffed into giant padded envelopes. Jay unpacked the boxes and catalogued the orders while Mike finished up a repair on a Betamax player owned by the Milwaukee County Historical Society.

“I wonder if they’d pay us to digitize their Betamax tapes,” Mike said as he used the smallest screwdriver they had in the shop to screw in the new replacement for the casette loading mechanism. “Might be a new income stream for the shop.”

“What are you doing tonight?” Jay blurted out, as though he’d been holding it in for hours.

Mike dropped the screwdriver, knocking the casette loading mechanism out of place again. His heart was suddenly pounding against his ribs. This was the moment. He had to act cool, natural, normal, like nothing unusual was going on.

“I don’t have any plans,” he said. “Why? Do you want to do something?” (Perfect. Smooth as fuck. Leaving him an opening to ask! Flawless.)

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jay swallow, his throat bobbing. He was holding the box cutter so tightly that his knuckles were white, the blade shaking slightly in his hand.

“I was. Wondering.” Jay’s voice was shaking too, betraying his nerves. “If you wanted to…”

He paused here, clearly gathering his courage, and it took every ounce of Mike’s self-control to not make a sex joke about all the things he wanted to do with Jay (which wouldn’t really have been a joke, anyway). Instead, he just looked over at Jay, who was staring down at the Toshiba W522 that he’d just unboxed, and squeezing the box cutter like he was trying to extract juice from it.

Jay took an audibly deep breath as if to steady himself, and said, “I was wondering if you wanted to go to this new bar with me tonight.”

“Sure,” Mike said. “You know I’m always up for a new bar.” Was that it? Was Jay going to clarify his intentions? Or maybe he’d changed his mind, maybe he didn’t want to go to a gay bar with Mike after all, maybe--

“Well, actually…” Jay put the box cutter down and met Mike’s gaze with defiance in his eyes, squaring his shoulders and flexing his jaw like he was getting ready to fight someone. “It’s a gay bar. For the whole queer community, but. It’s mostly gay men. And there’s dancing and stuff. It’s more of a club than a bar.” He glared at Mike, as though daring him to laugh.

This was it. Mike let himself smile, the nervous energy flowing up into his face as his heart kept up its incessant pounding. “Sounds great. Let’s go.”

The fight left Jay as soon as it had appeared, and he slumped a little bit with an audible exhale, meeting Mike’s smile with a small one of his own. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Okay,” Mike said. “When should I pick you up?” Like this was a real date, like Mike was going to show up at his door with flowers and chocolate and a bottle of wine and a little teddy bear holding a lace-ruffled red heart that said “I <3 U.”

“Eight, I guess?” Jay sounded uncertain.

“That works,” Mike said, his smile spreading into a grin that he couldn’t stop. “Looking forward to it.”

Jay nodded, and turned back to the VCR on the table in front of him. His face was flushed and the tips of his ears were bright red, but he was smiling to himself as he wrote down the VCR’s model number on the repair form.

\--

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and they were surprisingly productive, working quietly alongside each other, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Mike felt confident that Jay’s thoughts were along a similar line to his own, wondering what was going to happen tonight and mentally playing through a thousand scenarios in silence. He spent most of the afternoon in a state of anxious excitement, and as the clock neared five o’clock, he felt like he was going to vibrate out of his body with nervous energy. 

It was dumping snow outside, starting to pile up on the sidewalk. “It’s really coming down,” Mike said as they zipped up their coats by the door. 

“I’m glad you’re driving tonight,” Jay said. “I don’t really want to walk anywhere in this weather.”

“I probably should’ve driven to work today, but I forgot to check the weather this morning,” Mike said, pulling his fleece-lined hat onto his head. All this weather talk felt inane and shallow, but he couldn’t bring himself to discuss anything deeper, because he was pretty sure that an embarrassing love confession was somewhere on his tongue, just waiting for an inopportune moment to jump out.

They shut off the lights and stepped outside, and Mike locked the door behind them. As they trudged through the snow on the sidewalk, the cold slapped at Mike’s face, the December snowstorm threatening in the dark evening clouds overhead. 

“If it’s too snowy to drive, we don’t have to go out tonight,” Jay said suddenly.

“Do you not want to go out after all?” Mike said. Of course, if Jay had changed his mind, Mike would respect his feelings, but he also might die of disappointment.

“No,” Jay said. The bottom dropped out of Mike’s stomach, but Jay quickly added, “I mean, no, I still want to go out. I’m sure they’re already plowing the roads.”

“Okay,” Mike said, exhaling. His breath formed a foggy cloud in front of them. “Good. Because I really want to go out to this new bar. Or club, or whatever.” _With you,_ he added mentally.

“I think it’ll be fun,” Jay said, sounding nonchalant. 

The yellow street lights illuminated the falling snow against the dark sky as they stood at the corner where they usually parted ways to go home. Flakes dusted Jay’s earflapped hat and the shoulders of his coat as he looked up at Mike. “See you at eight?”

“Yeah,” Mike said, instead of all the things he wanted to say. “See you.”

They stood there looking at each other for another moment, and Mike had the crazy idea of just grabbing him and kissing him right there on the street corner, but Jay turned away with a little wave of his hand, and Mike turned the opposite direction, trudging through the snow toward his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, they're very encouraging <3
> 
> Next chapter will come very soon :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my RLM friends for encouraging me to write ♥️

Every piece of clothing that Mike owned was hot garbage.

What did people wear to gay clubs? Or any sort of dance club? Images danced through his head of men who looked like Guy Fieri, with bleached-blond hair and bowling shirts with printed flames and stupid little sunglasses. 

Mike scowled at the pile of clothes on the floor of his closet, his hair still dripping water from his shower. Most of his shirts were clean, or clean enough, if a bit wrinkled. He'd hung up the only suit that he owned, which was definitely too small, and he'd probably look like a chud anyway if he wore a suit to a club.

He took out his phone and searched "gay club fashion," and immediately regretted it as he scrolled past photos of shirtless men who had way too many abs, and scrawny twinks in mesh t-shirts. Mike was certainly in favor of scrawny twinks, and he lingered for a second on a guy who looked like he could be Jay's distant cousin, but none of this was helping him achieve his immediate goal of figuring out what the fuck he was going to wear.

"Gay fashion" didn't turn anything up either, since Mike didn't own any runway looks and he certainly couldn't pull off a pair of assless chaps.

While he was frowning at the disassembled mess of his closet, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Probably a notification for some new YouTube video from one of the channels he was subscribed to. He took it out of his pocket and unlocked the screen.

_ FilmGuy69 has sent you a private message! _

Oh jesus, oh fuck. 

He opened the email and clicked the link, and a browser window opened up.

_ FilmGuy69: _ I did it

_ FilmGuy69:  _ I asked him out

Mike's heart skipped a beat. Jay was talking about him. He had to play it cool, like this was no big deal.

_ PunkDragon: _ no shit! That's great

_ PunkDragon:  _ what did he say? 

_ FilmGuy69: _ he said yes but I'm not sure if he knows it's a date

_ FilmGuy69:  _ I asked him if he wanted to go to the gay club with me 

_ PunkDragon:  _ unless he is the dumbest fuck on the planet, I'm pretty sure he knows it's a date lol

_ FilmGuy69:  _ you think? Christ. I'm fucking nervous

_ Jay _ was nervous? That was hilarious, because Mike kinda felt like he was gonna throw up on the floor of his closet.

_ PunkDragon:  _ I'm sure he's just as nervous as you are

Mike glared at the pile of clothes again. He didn't have time to wash, dry, and iron his only nice button-down shirt, the one he'd worn to Jay's sister's wedding in Kenosha. Besides, it made him look like a fucking investment banker. 

Suddenly, an idea occurred to him.

_ PunkDragon:  _ so what are you gonna wear?

Yes. This was brilliant! He was so fucking smart. Perfect plan.

_ FilmGuy69:  _ Idk, probably just a hoodie over a tank top. The one I wore on the stream the other night lol, and prob some jeans that make my ass look good

Shit. Mike couldn't wear a tank top. Mike didn't even  _ own  _ a tank top. Fuck. At least he knew Jay was going to be strutting his stuff in some tight jeans, and Mike was pretty excited to ogle his ass while he danced to whatever gay music they played at this club.

_ PunkDragon:  _ i bet you’ll look super hot. He’s a lucky guy

_ FilmGuy69:  _ i hope he feels that way, because i definitely do. I just don’t want this to fuck up our friendship. I’d rather be in unrequited love with my best friend than lose my best friend altogether

_ Jay felt lucky to be going out with him. Jay was in unrequited love with him. _ All of this felt like secret, hidden knowledge that Mike wasn’t supposed to have, like an ancient passage from the Necronomicon. It wasn’t wrong, though, Mike reasoned, because by knowing all these facts (facts that made it feel like his stomach was about to crawl out of his mouth with nervous excitement), he was now able to give Jay exactly what he wanted, hopefully. Maybe. If he didn’t fuck it up, like he’d fucked up almost everything else in his life up until meeting Jay. Who was, somehow, inexplicably, the only thing Mike had never messed up.

_ FilmGuy69:  _ sorry to unload all that on you

Oh shit, he’d been quiet for too long. Quick reply!

_ PunkDragon: _ don’t be sorry at all. I’m really happy to listen. Sorry for the delay, i’m actually going out tonight too and i can’t figure out what to wear

Well, he hadn’t intended to ask Jay for fashion advice, but hey, why not?

_ FilmGuy69: _ where are you going?

He had to tell the truth--sort of--or he wouldn’t get the right kind of advice. And he desperately needed Jay’s help on what to wear, because he had no fucking idea. But if he added in some random made-up details, maybe he could throw Jay off the scent of the truth.

_ PunkDragon: _ believe it or not, i’m going to a gay club too! Here in Minneapolis. It’s right near the mall of america. My lesbian best friend invited me. I’d love to meet a cute guy there but i have no idea what to wear :( and i want to blend in

There. Enough little details to make it seem like he was a real person doing a real thing, but not enough to be weird, or suspicious. Maybe.

_ FilmGuy69: _ well you should emphasize the whole bear thing instead of trying to be a typical club boy

_ FilmGuy69:  _ seems like you’d be more likely to meet a guy who’s attracted to *you* that way

Bear! Right! Mike was a  _ bear.  _ He just needed to emphasize the  _ bear thing. _

A search for “bear fashion” brought up a surprising number of teddy bear-related results, so he tried “gay bear fashion” instead. Jackpot! He scrolled through a bunch of pictures of chubby, bearded guys in flannel shirts, which was apparently a bear fashion staple. Perfect, he had like five different flannel shirts.

_ PunkDragon: _ you’re right. I should lean on the bear thing. I think i have an idea of what to wear now

_ FilmGuy69: _ good :)

As he pulled on his least worn-out pair of jeans and tucked his black undershirt into it, Mike had the thought that he should give Jay a bit of encouragement. Or rather,  _ PunkDragon _ should give  _ FilmGuy69 _ some encouragement. Maybe boost his ego a little bit. Make him feel more confident.

_ PunkDragon: _ good luck tonight

_ FilmGuy69:  _ thanks, you too

_ PunkDragon: _ I don’t think you really need luck though. If your coworker has functioning eyes, he’s probably already attracted to you. And, honestly, it seems like you have a pretty cool personality too. So don’t get too nervous, ok?

Mike couldn’t bear to look at his cheesy message, so he stuffed his phone into his back pocket and busied himself with picking out which of his flannel shirts he should wear. As he pulled his arm through the sleeve of a black and red buffalo plaid shirt, the phone buzzed against his ass.

_ FilmGuy69: _ thanks. I appreciate that. And hey, if it doesn’t work out, Minneapolis is only 5 hours away ;)

Mike scoffed, smirking down at his phone. Even when he was a faceless stranger, Jay was still into him. A little shock of confidence pulsed through his chest.

_ PunkDragon: _ sounds good :)

\--

The little boost to his confidence had completely faded by the time Mike got down to his car. It was fucking frigid, and his breath came in thick clouds as he turned the engine over and cranked the heat to the maximum.

It was still half an hour before he was supposed to pick Jay up, but he definitely couldn’t stay at home for one more minute. The dingy walls of his tiny apartment were closing in on him. At least in his car, he could go for a drive, try to clear his head.

The snow from earlier was still falling, but it had lightened up, and snowflakes lightly dusted his windshield as he drove towards Jay’s apartment, swept away by his windshield wipers.

Fuck. This was a date, wasn’t it? Should he bring Jay flowers?

Jay would hate flowers and think it was unspeakably dorky, he reasoned as he turned onto a quiet street. And Jay was way too healthy to want chocolate, or something sweet like that. But Mike suddenly felt a strong desire to show up with some sort of offering, to set the tone that he was taking this seriously, to make Jay understand that he was trying to impress him, trying to win him over.

As he turned the corner onto Jay’s street, a familiar storefront caught his eye.

\--

Otto’s Beverage Center was a cavernous beer and liquor shop. It wasn’t crowded even on holiday weekends, but the heavy snow tonight must have been keeping people away. It felt like he was the only person in the store as he made his way back to the specialty beers.

He picked up an empty carton, decorated with a brightly-colored logo declaring, “Create Your Own 6-Pack!” Mike was feeling pretty confident that Jay would prefer a bouquet of beers to a bouquet of roses.

The colorful labels on the bottles stared out from the aisle-length refrigerator, taunting him to pick the exact perfect selection of beers that would charm their way into Jay’s heart. He pulled out a Good City “Reward” double IPA, a Third Space “Happy Place” pale ale, and a Milwaukee Brewing Company “Weekend @ Louie’s,” because Jay loved its fruity herbal flavor. He wandered down the aisle, plucking three other local beers, since Jay loved all his little hipster breweries and their oddball flavors, and grabbed a High Life for himself. Hopefully the bubbles would go straight to his head and calm his nerves.

The bored-looking kid behind the cash register couldn’t have been a day older than 22, with a heavy gold chain around his neck and a diamond stud in one ear. He was staring at his phone, absorbed in it as Mike approached. He waited a second to see if the kid would look up, and when he didn’t, Mike set the beers on the checkout table.

The kid jumped at the sound, startled. “Oh, shit, man, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize anyone was in the store.”

“No problem,” Mike said. “Seems pretty dead tonight.”

“Yeah.” The kid started taking the beers out of the six-pack to scan them. “Headed to a Christmas party?”

“Going on a date, actually,” Mike said. Saying it aloud somehow made it feel less real, like he was telling a lie for fun.

“Oh yeah?” The kid smiled at him. He had a fake-looking grill over his front teeth, studded with rhinestones. It was kind of charming, in a dumb way. “Who’s the lucky lady, killa?”

Mike felt his face heating up. He could just lie, but he felt like taking the truth for a little test drive. “I’m in love with my best friend. We’re going to a gay club and I’m gonna tell him how I feel.”

The kid nodded slowly, grinning. “Hell yeah, bro. You get dat boy, killa.” He held out his fist towards Mike.

Mike fist-bumped him, feeling delirious. “Thanks, man.”

As he walked towards the sliding doors and out into the snow, the kid called out, “Have fun!”

Fun. Yeah. Dates were supposed to be fun. Fun.

Mike was fucking terrified.

\--

His heart was pounding in his throat as he pressed the call buzzer on the outside of Jay’s building. And he was sweating, somehow, even though it was five fucking degrees outside.

A moment later, Jay’s voice crackled over the static. “Hello?”

It was probably Mike’s imagination, but Jay sounded nervous too.

“It’s me,” Mike said, trying to sound confident.

“Hey,” Jay said. The buzzer rang a moment later, and the lock on the front door of the apartment building popped open.

Mike took the stairs two at a time, hoping it would help him burn off some of his nervous energy, but instead he was just winded when he reached the fourth floor, and even more nervous. He paused to catch his breath, ducking his head to avoid the low ceiling at the top of the stairwell, then stepped into the hallway.

When he reached Jay’s door, his hand hesitated over the knocker. This was it. There was no turning back. Jay was waiting for him, for their first date. He was probably standing on the other side of the door, waiting for him to knock. Maybe his heart was in his throat too.

Mike swallowed, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

**Author's Note:**

> It's for goodoldfashioned again because you're amazing lol, thank you for inspiring me to write about our beloved good boys by always being down to scream about them 24/7 <3 and big love always to our tiny fandom...Mike/Jay is a precious ship and we're all here for each other <3
> 
> Scream about RLM with me on Twitter! @HRHSherlock is my username! i mutual all RLM people, DM me to chat anytime!
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


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